Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Doctor Gore (1973)

DOCTOR GORE directed by J.G Patterson Jr.

Ranked 3.9/10 on IMDB

BUY THIS MOVIE!

Warning: Spoilers!
--does anyone truly care?


Quick Synopsis:

Talon: I'm surprised I had the chance to even view this. It isn't anywhere! The only two people in the world who seem to own it are my father and some guy selling it used on Amazon. And on Amazon, it's fifty dollars! That's more money than DR. GORE'S entire budget!

There's no Wikipedia, no streams, no torrents, and the director died in 1975, the same year when the stone age began.

So anything known about the director J.G is known by few, Herschell Gordon Lewis and Joe are probably the only ones.

Oh wait, Herschell died last year.

Looks like it's just you, Dad.

Joe: Here's what I know.

Back when I was a kid, before Blockbuster homogenized and sanitized the VHS rental business, there were mom and pop video stores that rented crazy rare movies that I'd never heard of.

This is how I discovered John Waters, Russ Meyer, Ruggero Deodato, Lucio Fulci, Umberto Lenzi, Joe D'Amato, Andy Milligan, Doris Wishman, Chang Cheh, and countless other exploitation directors.

To stand out on the store shelf among thousands of other movies, many cult video manufacturers released big box versions. These were twice as bis as the VHS tapes they contained. HG Lewis was one of the big box crowd. Rare horror movies got me to start collecting the magazine Fangoria, which lead to buying books about movies.

(Note to younger readers: books and magazines were bound collections of paper that stores information. This was how you learned stuff before the Internet.)

In some reference book somewhere I read about an unreleased movie called THE BODY SHOP. This was eventually released on VHS, with an intro by HG Lewis, who worked with the director on a few films.

HG Lewis movies are wonderful, and we're going to review many on this blog. But DR. GORE was like an HG Lewis movie with an even smaller budget, poorer acting, and all around worse filmmaking.

Which makes it one of my favorites. I've seen DR. GORE eight times.

Talon: Main Cast include:

J.G Patterson as Dr.Gore: A mad scientist who lost his wife, quests to re-build himself a new more perfect one.

Roy Mehaffey as Greg the hunchback. His main role is to groan meaningless things, wear an earring, chew on a never lit cigar, and be Dr. Gore's lab assistant.

His other role is to sing country songs at bars.

Yeah, I don't know either.

Joe: I'm not sure that's the same actor. Sure looks like him, though.

Talon: And finally a bunch of underpaid women who were forced to make out with J.G Patterson.

I say forced, because the man's head is shaped like a peanut, his eyebrows aren't level with each other, and his comb-over defies physics. It's like a double comb-over. It makes no sense.

Joe: The guy has more moles than the KGB.

Talon: The navy could use his some of his forehead as an aircraft carrier.

Joe: Last time I saw something that wide it had a license plate on it. Seriously, it was like the tailgate of an '82 Bronco.

Talon: With a run-time of 75 minutes, we start off with a thick strand of hair obstructing the bottom of the camera while it films ducks. The movie then fades to different colors like orange and green, and red.

Joe: I'm pretty sure this film didn't get a 4k restoration.

Talon: Finally, when the camera man was done being distracted by cute fuzzy swimming birdies, we view a funeral and J.G, Patterson grieving, or more like plotting his ultimate master plan of constructing the perfect mate! While this happens, the theme song drills my ear canals with its terrible epicness.

Seriously, when this song isn't playing, it's still playing... IN YOUR BRAIN!

It will never leave your head.

Ever.

So listen to it HERE.

Now we're in Dr. Gore's castle, where you hear lightning sounds but there is no thunderstorm. The footage changes color as well.

Then we're inside in Dr. Gore's lair and we see Greg the hunchback. You can tell he's a hunchback because of the balloon in his sweater. The only thing that happens for a full two minutes is Dr. Gore hanging up his outside jacket, and putting on his lab-coat, all in one take.

I admit. I'm impressed.

Then we see his lab, and it pains me to say this, but ZAAT had a better lab. And it was made two years before this movie.

Joe: I've spent more money at a restaurant than DR. GORE's entire budget. And I'm not even talking about a good restaurant. I'm talking a restaurant where the most expensive menu item is chicken wings.

But DR. GORE does win when it comes to tinfoil.

Talon: Earlier on, Greg and Gore dug up his wife's corpse, which was mostly black footage and Greg sweating, and now she rests on an operating table fully outlined in tinfoil.

Another two minutes is spent putting duct tape on the tinfoil.

Then alligator clips are snapped on precisely on the tinfoil where the woman's nipples are.

Next comes all suspension of scientific disbelief as batteries, roman candles, and sparklers cure death.

They have a ten minute montage of the tinfoil shaking, and someone constantly humming "ohhhhmm" when the electronics turn on. It gets more intense and the tinfoil just catches on fire.

Greg gets ordered to throw her body in the acid bath.

Greg groans and does it.

Then a pretty funny dialog moment, which proves this is the best worst movie ever.

It goes like this.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

Dr. Gore says, "Get that, that might be the door. And put on a coat so they don't know you're a hunchback."

Joe: DR. GORE WTF!!!

Talon: Turns out, it was the door, and two delivery arrive with a giant wood box. One of them asks, "What you got a dead body in there?"

Yes, Mr. Delivery Man. He does.

When they leave, inside the box is a dead body with duct tape over her mouth. How they got the woman, and why she needs duct tape over her mouth when she's dead, are both added on to the list of unsolvable questions of the universe.

They put the bunched up woman down on the table and break apart her rigor mortis. The moment they stop, the girl's body snaps up into a sitting position. Greg the hunchback is so startled that he jumps twelve feet high and clings to a pole.

It's his special hunchback powers.

So Gore cuts off the woman's arms using the arm under the table trick, and saves them in a freezer to be put on some other torso.

The next victim has the hands Gore wants. This takes place at a restaurant, or... mostly in front a black screen.

And look! There's Greg? Normal and on stage singing?

Yep. For a full song too.

Joe: IMDB says it is two different actors, Bill Hicks the singer and Roy Maheffey the hunchback, but they sure so look alike. And I can't find any info on either of them anywhere. So, in my reality at least, they're the same guy.

Talon: Gore now suddenly has superpowers and he hypnotizes a woman using the power of widening his eyes. They make out and he poisons and locks her onto his operating table using only one strip of duct tape.

Joe: He's got it all figured out.

Talon: When she can't escape from a single, thin piece of sticky plastic, Gore slices off her hands and throws them into the freezer as well. She passes out from pain and I don't remember what happened to her next.

Gore then gets eyes. Then legs. Then a torso  I think.

Who knows, or cares.

Joe: I care! I care a lot!

Talon: During all this, Greg is drinking cheap booze that he keeps in the body parts fridge, while sweeping up nothing.

And then; two legendary scenes.

A sudden knock at the door while Gore is stitching up body parts. It's footage of a cop talking into a camera from an entirely different setting shot at an entirely different time.

Cop says, "You're not doing anything illegal are you?"

Dr. Gore responds, "No, I'm a doctor."

"Oh, have a nice day."

AMAZING! 10 out of 10!

It gets better! Gore walks down a flight of stairs and the timing of his footstep sounds are so bad it makes you laugh out your nose.

Listen to the song again? HERE.

So Dr. Gore finally creates his soul-mate: A dumb blonde who can speak English, but needs to be taught ABCs and how to love men. Greg is forbidden from seeing her since she'll get attached to any man she sees.

So Gore and the underpaid actress make-out and have romantic picnics. They dance and run across hills and through trees. They hold hands and make-out so more.

And the next scene the blonde stumbles upon Greg sweeping up nothing in the basement. She instantly hugs him because she's brainwashed to love men. Dr. Gore catches them and his insane jealousy makes him throw acid at Greg's face, which makes it look like strawberry jelly.

This was so effective that the lab begins to explode. And as Greg collapses onto the edge of the acid bath, Dr. Gore strikes him right in the hump with an axe, sending him into the bubbling water... I mean acid.

Poor Greg.

How does this movie end?

Abruptly.

Because when you don't have enough footage you replay old footage.

So that's what they did, and somehow Dr. Gore ends up in jail, and his wife ends up seducing other men throughout the area.

And the film finally ends with, you guessed it... the main theme song.

You can listen to it again HERE.

First Impressions:

Talon: I love this movie. Being made in the 70s with the budget of a Happy Meal, J.G. Patterson Jr. does a fine job showcasing terrible SFX, terrible acting, terrible writing, terrible sets, terrible sound, terrible music, terrible cinematography, and pretty much everything else. 

Like I said in my Twenty Second Film Review, this movie is underrated. It should be named a classic along the lines of Herschel Gordon Lewis's BLOOD FEAST. But! I wouldn't say it's fifty dollars enjoyable.

Joe: I would pay $50 for this. Hell, yeah.

Talon: DR. GORE didn't make me want to bash my skull into a pile of tacks, or pour sulfuric acid into my corneas. It just made me laugh out loud with its terribleness.

Truly, one of the best worst movies ever.

Here's some of the dialog my dad and I had while viewing. Try to imagine some of our phrases as catchy slogans:

"Best use of tin foil ever!"

"Look. Someone lit a roman candle behind the fake equipment."

"Best theme song ever."

"And now we get to watch this underpaid actress make out with this nerdy pervert."

"He cut out her eyes so she can't scream."
"Makes sense."

"That's pretty good make-up."
"No it's not."
"I couldn't do that."
"That doesn't mean it's good."

"How many locks are on that door?"

"See if there's life."
"See if there's a focus knob on the camera"

"This movie is only 75 minutes."
"That's still too long."


Best Worst Scene

Talon: The badly timed dubbing when Dr. Gore walks down the stairs.

Joe: The theme song. Which is an uncredited, unathorized version of My Favorite Things from THE SOUND OF MUSIC, coupled with a Casio organ on repeat and the sugar and spice nursery rhyme.

Watch it? 

Talon: Yes, it's rare and classic. It's so bad it'll make you laugh.

Joe: Yes. You'll need an espresso and seven beers and two shots. And weed. Hella weed.

Share it? 

Talon: Yes, I have to. It isn't anywhere.

Joe: Yes. This needs a Blu Ray release, pronto.

Re-watch it? 

Talon: I have. The second time was just as enjoyable as the first.

Joe: This should be required viewing for anyone who loves bad movies. This is the Holy Grail.

Talon: Did you see DR. GORE? Do you have any best worst movies to recommend? Are you made of sugar and spice and everything nice? Post in the comments!

TALON'S TWENTY SECOND FILM REVIEW!

Talon will now spout off five reasons you should watch the next movie we're blogging about, truly one of the worst films ever made, it has attacking birds, it has an epidemic, its... BIRDEMIC: SHOCK AND TERROR!



or
RENT THIS MOVIE!

Check out our BIRDEMIC post here!!!

MOVIES WE'VE REVIEWED

6 comments:

  1. I'm surprised you have no comments on this, but here's a movie challenge for you. Co-worker and I back in the late 90's saw a newspaper ad for a very bad 1930's topical movie called "Lash Of The Penitents." Far as we could tell, it was about a young woman who gets caught up in a religious cult. Bad acting, but memorably bad Spanglish dialogue (notable line that sticks with you is "No, no senor, it is too dangerous"). Worth a watch if you can find it.

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  2. Talon, this movie sounds like an epic disaster that I need to watch! Have you been able to find a digital copy?

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  3. Hey, Cody. Haven't been able to find this movie anywhere besides Amazon. You can check out some clips on YouTube and get a feel for how epic this movie is though. Here's an example:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CwOK002ueU

    Don't forget to listen to the incredible soundtrack that will never leave your brain ever!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT8sIJc0cwk

    Hope that helps! :)

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    Replies
    1. Sorry about that, Don. Blogspot flagged it.

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