Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Deadly Prey (1987)

DEADLY PREY directed by David A. Prior

Ranked 5.8/10 on IMDB

Warning: Spoilers!
--does anyone truly care?

Quick Synopsis:

Talon: This might be the best movie ever made.

Kidding, it is the best movie ever made.

Directed and written by David A Prior.

Main stars are:

Cameron Mitchell as Jamie's father. He's a retired police officer, but that doesn't stop him from kicking ass.

Troy Donahue as Don Michaelson. Believe it or not, Troy was a big Hollywood actor back in the 60's but his downfall wasn't filing for bankruptcy, or getting sued by Warner Bros, it was this role in DEADLY PREY.

And Ted Prior as Mike Danton. Quick fact, Ted and David Prior are brothers. With Ted's Playgirl centerfold looks, and David's... ability to film things, they are unstoppable. Together they will rock your world!

Joe: They rocked my world.

Talon: At the start of this 88 minute marathon, my eyes are plagued by poopy footage of a man being chased by a group of mercenaries in a forest. These soldiers are so bad-ass that they hunt innocent defenseless people and kill them.

That's how they train for combat. Gunning down half-naked, unarmed civilians.

Other training includes: Firing from the hip. Never reloading. Being completely oblivious to your surroundings. Having a mullet; that's the most important one. Wearing sunglasses, day or night time. Raping people. And bad lip-syncing.

So by coincidence they capture Mike Danton. The hero of the movie, who is rocking the best 80s mullet of all time, and this is in a film where everyone has a mullet. Little do the villains know, Mike is a 'Nam veteran. Soon Mike is stripped down to his cutoff daisy duke jean shorts, slathered in baby oil, and forced to run unarmed into a forest as they hunt him down.

Mike never puts on a shirt again.

Joe: If I was ripped like that, I'd probably do the same thing.

Talon: The movies progresses to Mike killing the soldiers one by one in the funniest ways. A twig through the heart. A neck snap. Jumping from a tree. Back-stabbing. Drowning. An avalanche of fake rocks. Branch traps. Digging pits.

Joe: Everything but taking their guns and shooting them.

Talon: Mike is everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

It's awesome.

But it gets better. Each kill he does, or whenever something dramatic happens, the soundtrack blasts a synthesized DA DA DUN!

Joe: Singing DA DA DUN! along with the movie is a lot of fun.

Talon: While Mike is killing everyone chasing him, Mike's wife calls up her dad instead of the police, and tells him about the kidnapping. Cameron Mitchell somehow knows about the plot of the movie and hes fed up with it! After telling his daughter to lock her doors and windows, Cameron decides to take matters into his own hands by sneaking inside the army base, killing soldiers with crotch kicks and slow punches to the face, vanishing for half the film, and faking his death in order to kill the rich business man operating the mercenaries.

But before he shoots the rich business man, he squints and rapidly shouts, "Who am I? A little man who spent twenty seven years of his life as a cop trying to put bigshots like you away. Twenty seven years in the filth of the dirt of the street and there ain't no music down there. You watch the people in the streets killing raping each other pumping goat through their veins while big men like you sit in the fancy penthouses.... Today the no-bodies that made you are gonna win. Die you son of a bitch."

Then he shoots his rich ass.


Amazing. I wish Cameron Mitchell was my Dad.

Joe: Hey!

Talon: DA DA DUN!

At this point, I don't know who's more bad-ass. I think its a solid tie between Cameron Mitchell, Ted Prior, and Clint Eastwood.


Here's another great line by him when he spots a soldier in the forest when he was on his little mercenary killing spree.

"Stop! Friend or enemy?"
"I'm your friend!"
"You're a liar!" Bang! he shoots him.


Joe: I have an urge to watch this again. There is an epic fight scene between two guys with mullets. Then, later, there is another fight scene between two guys with mullets, and it's impossible to tell if it is the same guys as before.

Talon: So the bad guys kidnap Mike's wife and rape her. The scene wasn't graphic at all, she looked like she was trying not to giggle.

And eventually we get a bro-mance with Mike and Don because they recognize each other from Nam, and they arm themselves up and destroy the base.

Then Don dies, Mike's wife dies, and Mike hunts his former commander in a clever role-reversal that everyone saw coming.

The End.

First Impressions:

Talon: I was pretty excited. The cover looked pretty bad-ass, but I wasn't exactly sure what deadly prey meant. Wouldn't he be a predator if he was deadly? Is this about squirrels that somehow gained intelligence and they want to lead a resistance to save all the nuts in the world?

Surprisingly, the movie wasn't about that.

Regardless, I found DEADLY PREY hysterical. It really tries to be a fun action film. It's got the villain. The hero. The woman. Explosions. Fighting. Guns. Twig murders. Back stabbing moments, like when someone gets stabbed in the back. 

It did feel a lot like RAMBO, but not really.  

Something was missing, like logic and common sense.

Joe: It wasn't missing mullets. That's for sure.

There were so many fun things in DEADLY PREY. Some standouts include:

He's on the run for six minutes, then eats an earthworm. You know, because he needs the energy. No rubber worm here. Dude bites it in half and chews. I'm guessing the ASPCA wasn't on set.

A merc ranting about Mike keeps drinking from a beer bottle that is so obviously empty.

Mike dislocates his shoulder, which causes him to limp.

Dude in the first scene is wearing tattered clothes. Completely tattered, like he'd been shipwrecked on a desert island for ten years.

After Mike is tortured, he looks like he was beaten up by a bad make-up artist.

At least four men and one woman in the cast resemble Bee Gees.

Mike cleverly uses the forest to camouflage himself by wrapping a single vine around his neck.

The list goes on and on. It's awesome.

Talon: Here's some of the dialog my dad and I had while viewing. Try to imagine some of our phrases as catchy slogans:

"He's limping after he got his shoulder dislocated."

"Newest medical research says putting a rock in your armpit will fix your dislocated shoulder."

"Almost as good as PLATOON."

"My eyesight isn't good. What does the timer say? Twenty-six minutes?"
"No, it's twenty-five. DA DA DON! "

"So he finally escapes and gets back home, and rather than call the cops he decides to whittle some tree branches into stakes."

"Were not hunting him. He's hunting us! DA DA DON!"

"All this... and a bromance."

"Is she wearing a camouflage diaper?"

"This guy can bench-press 350 pounds and he's tied up with one strand of twine."

Best Worst Scene

Talon: When Mike blew up the helicopter. The explosion lasted two seconds.

Joe: When Mike cut off the dude's arm and beat him to death with it. Because he's a master of armed combat.

I also could have said, "Well, he was in the armed forces." Or, "That's how you disarm a guy."

Watch it? 

Talon: Yes. This is one of the best worst movies ever.

Joe: Yes. And you won't need any espressos to stay awake. But three beers and a shot will make it even more fun.

Share it? 

Talon: I have already. With my pet goldfish, Larry. He liked it.

Joe: Yes. I'm going to force everyone I know to see this movie. It's wonderful.

Re-watch it? 

Talon: Yes. It makes me giggle like a little girl.

Joe: Yes. I may watch this several times a year, forever.

Talon: Did you see DEADLY PREY? Do you have any best worst movies to recommend? Have you ever had a mullet? Post in the comments!


Talon will now spout off five reasons you should watch the next movie we're blogging about, the infamous furry little puppets... HOBGOBLINS!

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